The Chemistry of Hindi Movie Dialogues

ESSARBATOOL                                                                                                                                                          Ok! So what does one do on a perfect boring day? Well this question is sure to let loose a variety of answers, but I guess watching a Hindi movie is most preferable. So, get a DVD, sit back & watch a newly released Hindi movie. But hey, after 3 hrs of constant glaring, don’t you feel that something is missing? Yes! Those good old dialogues; prevalent in every Hindi movie of yesteryears.
They are nowhere to be heard now for they are literally replaced by witty, attention-catching dialogues. How we do miss the holding hostage of the hero’s poor “mommy” by that evil-looking villain and the dancing of the helpless heroine in front of the villain’s people!
Always such sequences were accompanied by those familiar dialogues, almost clichés and seriously speaking that’s what everyone used to wait for. The poor “tied-to-the-pole” mom was asked to save one of her two sons, to which she would respond with the age-old dialogue “TU KYA JAANE MAA KI MAMTA MEIN KITNI TAAQAT HOTI HAI” and  the two sons would beg the mother to save the other son saying, ”MAA TUJHE MERI KASAM HAI TU MUJHE MAT BACHA”, no need to worry, ultimately both of them were saved; and you thought that the mom just gave the “mamta” threat in vain….eh?
Then again the favourite dialogue of our poor goody heroines-“KUTE KAMINEY CHOD DE MUJHE” was addressed to the “ever-ready-to-kidnap-females” villain. And the villain would reply, with a laugh (never mind even if dialogues seem hallow) “AB DEKHTA HOON TUJHE BACHANE KAUN AATA HAI”. The hero would at this point, come in from nowhere, (you know the Indian heroes can break through any barrier while making their so called stunning entry) and after coming in would loudly declare in a brave voice,” MAIN AAGAYA HOON”.
Single-handedly he would thrash all the “bad mash” people and would leap at the villain with the same old ‘KAMINEY MAIN TUJHE ZINDA NAHI CHODOONGA”. And then there would be loyal villain’s people begging for mercy from their master by saying “SARKAR HUMNE AAPKA NAMAK KHAYA HAI”, wonder why these people never tasted any sugar there!!!They would pretty much be in trouble if the leader of the gang turned out to be someone like gabbar who very easily replied to such things with a cool, “AB GOLI KHA” and you thought that iodized salt was quite cheap?
Then there was one typical scene that I’ve always enjoyed; the scene wherein the hero has got two heroines. In this complex situation, actress is stereotyped as goddess who is doomed to make big sacrifice. And in doing so, never forget to watch how dying lady with big heart clinches the hand of her ex-boyfriend character with her ‘sautan’, “AAP KO MERI KASAM HAI AAP DONOON EK HOJAYIYE and then with a prolonged,”ahhhhhhhhh”, would leave for the heavenly abode. Such was the charisma of those clichés that you would feel every emotion the actors displayed. And don’t you remember the scene where the hero tired of the tortoise paced law, decides to teach the bad people a lesson in his own way.
 On such occasions, he would be asked to stop by some friendly police officer, (usually the brother who quite had faith in the law), by a decided, “KANOON KO APNE HAATH MAIN MATLO. KANOON KE HAATH BAHUT LAMBE HOTE HAIN”. Oh yes I guess everybody knows that those hands never stretch to grab the offenders. Then there was this dialogue from the daring hero, when his mother would try to stop him from confronting the villain,
“MAA HATJAA MERE RAASTEY SE, MAIN ISE CHODOONGA NAHI”. And what better way could there be to make the villain angry other than to shout in a loud voice,
“KAMINEY MAA KA DOODH PIYA HAI TOU SAAMNE AA”. Certainly none of our villains was a cerelac baby so he replied to the insinuation by coming out to get a good beating by the hero. Sorry mama’s milk didn’t seem to do any magic for you! And many of us pretty well remember the dialogue of the characters in white apron, the doctor, while trying to save a patient,” USE DAWA KI NAHI DUA KI ZAROORAT HAI”. Yes, doc, quite a good way to put all the responsibility on God. Ah and I really can’t be so forgetful as to leave the most important people un-mentioned, yes ,yes, those handful of people streaming in those “nowhere-else-to-be-found” gypsies, donning the khaki uniforms.
 Now you got that right; lo and behold here comes the Indian police on the scene of action, after all the action is over. So the police does full credit to their reputation by reaching the place of conflict after the hero has very bravely beaten the villain to the pulp.
Well and after reaching the spot, the next great job they do is to take positions and announce on the loudspeaker (sometimes if the action is indoors, they don’t even need it) in a very authoritative voice, “POLICE NE TUMHE CHAROON TARAF SE GHER LIYA HAI.APNE HATHYAAR PHENKDO”. Since the villain’s people quite know the power of the Indian police, they do as told and are bundled into the police vehicles.
Well you see evil never triumphs! Compare to this the cold dialogue from one of the new films, “WOH KABHI JEETA NAHI KYUNKI WHO MUJHE HARANA CHAHTA THA AUR MAIN KABHI HARAA NAHI KYUNKI MAIN JEETNA CHAHTA THA.” Whew! Doesn’t that sound like a tongue twister? Ah the good old dialogues! So now the real magic of these dialogues is that they can raise your position of those little kiddos around you.
At a loss to understand? Well you see if you happen to be watching any of these movies with little kids, you can quite fascinate them with your powers of predicting the dialogues beforehand! No need to colour, most of us do that. But you really can’t do any such thing while a new movie is playing (if they are at all worth watching with kids), because the dialogues are unpredictable and really confusing. So don’t even attempt it, you may have to face many a frowns and crinkled noses! Well nothing’s lost as yet, if you feel like getting nostalgic, well then stop playing your DVD, get a new DVD of some old film and well isn’t there a package of these age old sweet dialogues playing? So now, enjoy!